It doesn't make sense

There's something it took me a long time to realize about my depression: It doesn't make sense. Now, to me, that's incredibly frustrating. I like things to be quantified, analyzable and logical. Depression isn't really any of those things.

Depression doesn't really seem to follow a recognizable cycle. And sometimes, when there's all sorts of crap going on in my life, my depression isn't really that bad, while sometimes everything is going great and I feel awful.  And, of course, vice versa.

So, what does this mean? First, I would say, don't get hung up on trying to figure out WHY you're depressed. It's a chemical imbalance in your brain. There's often not much rhyme or reason to it. And beating yourself up trying to answer the "why" can end up making you feel just that much worse. Second, focus on things that can make you feel better (as opposed to why you feel bad). I'll talk more in my next post about this, but there are things (and they're different for each person) that you can do to drag yourself out of the hole you're in.

Lastly, don't blame yourself for the way you feel. That will be--at best--unproductive, and can really make things a lot worse. Depression isn't a figment of your imagination, and it's not a result of something you did (or didn't) do. Would you be to blame if you had MS or another physically debilitating disease? Of course not. Depression is a disease, and it can be a debilitating one. It just is a lot easier to hide from others.