Friends and Family

Happy New Year!

In my last post, I talked about some of the activities that can help me back to "normalcy" when I'm in the midst of depression. I hope that some of you who've been reading along have come up with a few of those in your own lives as well.

I mentioned, though, that there are times when--even though I know I need to--I can't get myself to actually DO any of the things that will help. When that happens, it's important for me to have people, friends and family, who can and will step in.

Now, it is important to note here that depression doesn't only affect the people who actually struggle with it. The people who love us suffer, too. It's not the same, certainly, but I find that I can be remarkably selfish in pretending that I'm the only one who's hurting. So never take for granted the people who care for you; I know that I do that too often.

Anyway, I need to have people who know me, who know what "normal" looks like, what the "trouble signs" are, and who give enough of a crap to help. I've been unspeakably fortunate to have many such people in most of the stages of my life where I needed them.

Help looks different in different circumstances, and sometimes there's not much to be done but simply be willing to sit with me and let me know I'm not alone.

If you don't have people like that in your life, I cannot overstate the benefits to your heart and soul to letting people in and letting them love you. It is difficult for most people--myself included--to really let down the walls and really be open and vulnerable with others. But if you find a person or a few you can truly trust, it is very much worth it. It's risky (relationships always are!), but it can bring so much good to you. And to them.

If you're someone who doesn't suffer directly from depression, realize that it's hard to ask for help. Know that it is a huge step of trust when someone shares their pain with you. I know it's hard to deal with us at times, but we need you, and even if/when we fail to tell you how much it means to us, you're making a difference.

Better days, worse days

I was talking the other day with a friend who reminded me of a common misconception about depression.

Depression, the kind we're talking about here, isn't a situational, occasional thing. It is a chronic thing. Situations can (and do) make it better or worse, but it's never gone. It's not something that goes away.

If "normal emotions" was a line on a graph, the depressed person's "normal" would fall anywhere from a little bit to a whole lot lower than that. So too, the peaks and valleys of the emotional roller coaster of life are pretty much always a little lower than they would be for someone without depression.

I guess, in the simplest terms, there is no day that depression doesn't affect me. Some days it's better; some days it's worse. But it's always there.

Now, this doesn't mean I'm never truly happy! I surely am! It just makes it a lot easier to fall from happy back to something else, and maybe a little harder to get there in the first place.

Anyway, all this to say, part of what makes struggling with depression extra difficult is the constant expectation from others that we will "snap out of it" or "get better". We won't. That's not how this works. Anyone with depression already knows this. To you, I say, don't give up. If you love someone who struggles with depression, know that it IS a struggle, and that the road is long. Don't think that the first mountain you make it to with them means the valleys are all behind you. Be ready to take their hand again and face the darkness of the valley together; they'll need you.

Welcome

First things first: Go read my story by clicking the "My Story" tab (clever, I know).

Done that? Good.

This blog is a place where I will honestly present my experiences with depression and suicide, both my own and--with their permissions and changed names--people I've known. It is my hope that by being open, I can encourage a culture of openness that will cultivate healing and support where there has too long been condemnation, ignorance and exclusion.

Whether you yourself (have) struggle(d) with depression or you simply care for someone who does, I hope to walk with you on this journey and maybe we'll all learn something.

Feel free to comment or to e-mail me to talk about anything.