Friends and Family

Happy New Year!

In my last post, I talked about some of the activities that can help me back to "normalcy" when I'm in the midst of depression. I hope that some of you who've been reading along have come up with a few of those in your own lives as well.

I mentioned, though, that there are times when--even though I know I need to--I can't get myself to actually DO any of the things that will help. When that happens, it's important for me to have people, friends and family, who can and will step in.

Now, it is important to note here that depression doesn't only affect the people who actually struggle with it. The people who love us suffer, too. It's not the same, certainly, but I find that I can be remarkably selfish in pretending that I'm the only one who's hurting. So never take for granted the people who care for you; I know that I do that too often.

Anyway, I need to have people who know me, who know what "normal" looks like, what the "trouble signs" are, and who give enough of a crap to help. I've been unspeakably fortunate to have many such people in most of the stages of my life where I needed them.

Help looks different in different circumstances, and sometimes there's not much to be done but simply be willing to sit with me and let me know I'm not alone.

If you don't have people like that in your life, I cannot overstate the benefits to your heart and soul to letting people in and letting them love you. It is difficult for most people--myself included--to really let down the walls and really be open and vulnerable with others. But if you find a person or a few you can truly trust, it is very much worth it. It's risky (relationships always are!), but it can bring so much good to you. And to them.

If you're someone who doesn't suffer directly from depression, realize that it's hard to ask for help. Know that it is a huge step of trust when someone shares their pain with you. I know it's hard to deal with us at times, but we need you, and even if/when we fail to tell you how much it means to us, you're making a difference.

Do things

I apologize for not having posted for quite some time now. Ironically enough, I went through a period of more intense depression for a good chunk of October, and even once it was past, I couldn't get back into this. It took the hounding of a very dear friend to get me back at the keyboard. Anyway, we're back in business, so here goes:

I've found that a lot of dealing with depression has to happen when I'm not actually feeling depressed. 

For example, in the last post, I mentioned activities that you can do to try to drag yourself out of a depression. For me, a couple of examples are playing my guitar, reading a good book, going for a walk. I need to engage my mind in something besides self-recrimination and doubt, and to get my body moving. Other people I know find that video games, sports (watching or playing), creating something (art, music, whatever) or being around friends and family can help. 

The problem is that it took me a long time to realize what the things were that could help me back toward "normalcy." Because when I'm in the midst of an episode of more severe depression, none of those things sound good to me. I don't want to do them. When depressed, I have an amazing to capacity to do absolutely nothing but sit/lay around my room and think. So it took realizing that these were things that give me joy when I'm feeling OK, and that if I force myself to do them when I feel terrible, it might just help.

Now, it doesn't always, and sometimes I can't convince myself to do any of them, and that's where friends and family come in, which I'll talk about next time. 

But the times when I can force myself to read a good book, go for a walk or pick up my guitar, it's been really helpful in my process of getting out of the profundity of depression I face off and on. I would encourage you to take note of a few things that make you happy and bring you joy now, so the next time you find yourself in a bad place, you'll at least have some tools at your disposal that might just help you out of that place.