For me, one of the most persistent lies I've believed--and acted on--about my depression is that it's something I can run away from.
This has looked different at different times. Sometimes, it's meant avoiding personal relationships, since they can bring me down. Other times, it was obsessing over one relationship or other, hoping and praying that it would be the one that could actually make me happy. Still other times, it was changing majors or schools in an effort to find something new, something exciting, something accepting. And yet other times, it was diving into a book or television series to the exclusion of most thoughts of reality, to be somewhere with people I could know, but where I didn't have to be known.
In any of these cases, a few things happened. First, I was really no happier (maybe temporarily, at best) when I was running away. Secondly, looking for fulfillment in those things only made things worse. Life without relationships is meaningless and miserable. Focusing all your hope on ONE person will always end in disappointment; no one can provide all that you need. The "right" activity, interest, hobby, whatever, can help give you direction, but it's not a total fulfillment. And, obviously, fiction isn't reality, and can't truly change yours.
As I've talked about, relationships are important. So are activities, things to engage your mind and keep you active. Distractions can be very useful, so long as they don't consume you.
The biggest problem with running away is that it's a waste of energy, which is often a pretty limited resource for someone struggling with depression. That, and it provides a false hope of a quick fix.
There is no quick fix to being depressed. It's a long road. It's a battle, pretty much every day. I get tired of fighting. Half the time, I'm worn before the day even begins. But life goes on, and I have to keep going. And I can.
So can you!
Monday, January 21, 2013
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Friends and Family
Happy New Year!
In my last post, I talked about some of the activities that can help me back to "normalcy" when I'm in the midst of depression. I hope that some of you who've been reading along have come up with a few of those in your own lives as well.
I mentioned, though, that there are times when--even though I know I need to--I can't get myself to actually DO any of the things that will help. When that happens, it's important for me to have people, friends and family, who can and will step in.
Now, it is important to note here that depression doesn't only affect the people who actually struggle with it. The people who love us suffer, too. It's not the same, certainly, but I find that I can be remarkably selfish in pretending that I'm the only one who's hurting. So never take for granted the people who care for you; I know that I do that too often.
Anyway, I need to have people who know me, who know what "normal" looks like, what the "trouble signs" are, and who give enough of a crap to help. I've been unspeakably fortunate to have many such people in most of the stages of my life where I needed them.
Help looks different in different circumstances, and sometimes there's not much to be done but simply be willing to sit with me and let me know I'm not alone.
If you don't have people like that in your life, I cannot overstate the benefits to your heart and soul to letting people in and letting them love you. It is difficult for most people--myself included--to really let down the walls and really be open and vulnerable with others. But if you find a person or a few you can truly trust, it is very much worth it. It's risky (relationships always are!), but it can bring so much good to you. And to them.
If you're someone who doesn't suffer directly from depression, realize that it's hard to ask for help. Know that it is a huge step of trust when someone shares their pain with you. I know it's hard to deal with us at times, but we need you, and even if/when we fail to tell you how much it means to us, you're making a difference.
In my last post, I talked about some of the activities that can help me back to "normalcy" when I'm in the midst of depression. I hope that some of you who've been reading along have come up with a few of those in your own lives as well.
I mentioned, though, that there are times when--even though I know I need to--I can't get myself to actually DO any of the things that will help. When that happens, it's important for me to have people, friends and family, who can and will step in.
Now, it is important to note here that depression doesn't only affect the people who actually struggle with it. The people who love us suffer, too. It's not the same, certainly, but I find that I can be remarkably selfish in pretending that I'm the only one who's hurting. So never take for granted the people who care for you; I know that I do that too often.
Anyway, I need to have people who know me, who know what "normal" looks like, what the "trouble signs" are, and who give enough of a crap to help. I've been unspeakably fortunate to have many such people in most of the stages of my life where I needed them.
Help looks different in different circumstances, and sometimes there's not much to be done but simply be willing to sit with me and let me know I'm not alone.
If you don't have people like that in your life, I cannot overstate the benefits to your heart and soul to letting people in and letting them love you. It is difficult for most people--myself included--to really let down the walls and really be open and vulnerable with others. But if you find a person or a few you can truly trust, it is very much worth it. It's risky (relationships always are!), but it can bring so much good to you. And to them.
If you're someone who doesn't suffer directly from depression, realize that it's hard to ask for help. Know that it is a huge step of trust when someone shares their pain with you. I know it's hard to deal with us at times, but we need you, and even if/when we fail to tell you how much it means to us, you're making a difference.
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